missing you...

Love Less

Love Less
Can you Find Love?

Remember me

Remember me

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Covered in darkness...
Icy hands on my shoulder...
A Beautifull young woman...
Death, I fear it not...


There is a meaning or so I'm told
For the story of my life unfold

I cannot grasp in the realms of logic
Why these puppeteers pull along
But, there must be a reason ...
For why on earth would this be without?

It's about respect, She says ... respect
From my voyeuristic musing of the world
Society, meaning, lies, deceit
I realise ... life isn't worth just that

Wondering what awaits me afar
This legacy of time, but another lie
There must be a method without ...
Without pain, quick & worthy.

Humanistic nature graps ease
Then, why not the easiest path
The path to end, the abrupt peace
Irony rampant through lies & deceit

She said she'd live the lie to its fullest
Admission of the lie of life she claimed
You submit to the lie, live on but ...
Don't force me to serve your deceit.

Let me go ...
Give me peace.

Deadly Illusions

Silence builds up, lasting forever
Inside of me, memory neurons twitch
Slowly released, fabric of greed
Nothing makes sense, no one believes

Shaking, shuddering, violence held back
Racing, running, away from the past
Eyes unblinded, seeing untold truths
Negative emotions pervade within, through

I feel distracted, not lost, but found
Rescued by no one, only myself
The tow rope, the floaty, the life line cast out
I threw them and jumped, belief without doubt

Walls closing in, illusionary visions
Liquid distortion, tears from your eyes
Exhaling, unconfidence, your only best friend
Living in the mirror, but more so in your head

I have tasted your loss, and reveled in it
I have bested your best, and gloated about it
I have never lost to you, and sometimes I wish
I wasn't so arrogant, so right, so complete

Cocaine diaries, marijuana mysteries
Drugs polluting your body, only they feel right
Unreasonable dictions, restless behavior
I'm gone, only temporary, I'll be here tomorrow

Saturday, October 9, 2010


I’ve come to see Needing you was always the necessity But what I didn’t see
Was the empty space in between Your heart and mine
So distant, so far away Beautiful heartbreak
I never noticed before You were mine
Never was I yours You already closed that door
Staring through your eyes With no one ever looking back at me
Beautiful heartbreak Soul mates without love
A dream filled with heartache Holding hands, I didn’t feel your touch Fearful of rejection, I ignored the lack of affection
But now I realize you’ve merely been my crutch
You and I,
Like music devoid of feeling Giving up someone I never had

It’s a Beautiful heartbreak

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Losing Grip

Help me find a way
for the things i have done
losing grip

So many thins I've said
have gotten into your head
losing grip again

trying to figure out why i dam doing this
why am i hurting you like this
losing grip once more

your gettin upset
i can see i'm doing damage
i'll give myself one more chance. i'm hanging by a thread.

i've finally snapped. i've got you trapped
you'll leave me
i've finally lost grip .....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Memories Of Your Warmth.....

I lay on my cold bed,
recalling when she said,
"I love you."

Now I sit at home,
a lovesick clone.
Then my lips move, and i say,
"I love you."

The memory of her smell
reminds me of hell,
but at the same time,
I love her.

Her eyes were so blue,
when our love was new.
I love her.

And even though she walked out;
I still think about
those memories of warmth.....

"This Pain has my blood,i hope you are happy"

I wish to be Your lover...

If I wrote you a lullaby with verses of moonlit, fogged breath and a chorus of heartbeats- would you fall asleep with our melody in your palms?

I lie awake at night and watch traffic lights outside my window shout RED into the peace quiet and occasional hazy rev of traffic. I lie awake and shiver through layers and wish to silent stars it wasn’t winter, wish the nighttime cool wouldn’t paint quite so many goose bumps on my skin and make my eyelids so cold. I lie awake at night and night-dream without sleep- about you and all your eyelashes and beautiful wordings.

I like the way your collarbone lies horizontally beneath your neck, resting on light shoulders. God must have hidden it beneath your peach skin in a hurry, because with hurried hands he didn’t push it in quite far enough. I imagine him assembling you, I envisage your organs and elongated limbs before you were in a single piece, a mess-heap of portions and parts of beautiful. I would have liked to build you up myself, just to step back and inflatedly grin at my artwork.

I make a habit of closing my eyes before I come too close, your eyes send me into a dangerous euphoria . I wonder if you notice, I wonder if you wonder if I notice the way you smile too often, don’t get enough sleep and eat too much sugar.

I write you love letters in my mind, and when I try to recite them, all I can do is speak cloudily with made-up words that mean things I can’t quite say; in awe of everything that is you, and everything that is possibly, probably, wishfully and longingly us.

If you were the moon I’d be nighttime’s navy breath in your craters. If you were the sand I’d be the rolling waves submerging every golden grain of you. If you were a heart I’d be the encasing ribcage and the hot blood in your arteries. If you were allow, I’d be your lover.

Fade Away...

Whispering your last goodbye as you let go of my hand
A stabbing pain swept over me, a pain I could not stand
Unable to hold back the tears forming on the brim of my eyes
Could no longer look at you, so I turned my head to the skies
Praying for the rain to fall, and wash away these unwanted tears
Waiting for the rain to come, and sweep me away from here

So I watched silently as your footsteps got smaller and smaller
And I watched hopelessly as your shadow grew taller and taller
As I clung on to your shadow in an attempt to hold you back
I am sadly only reminded of the strengths I had once lacked
I wanted to tell you to stay because I still need you by my side
But once again my true feelings are hindered by my foolish pride

So unwillingly I watched your silhouette slowly fade away
And reluctantly I let my heart die and gradually decay
But at last, reality sets in, and I wipe away these useless tears
Finally realizing I can't sit here drowning in self pity as you disappear
So I gathered my last ounce of courage and I raced after you
Only to find that you are already gone and no longer within view

Angel Tears

For My Dying Love...

Every time you touch me,
It leaves a burning mark.
And so my dying love,
We shall touch no more.

I have to let it go,
All the promises I will never fulfill.
The lie that I decided to believe will evaporate,
And I will breathe the fresh air of truth.

You will be a widow to my love,
Unchained from the aching commitments.
You will not feast on my lies anymore,
Stepping proudly out, into the light.

We should have loved till eternity,
But time caught up with us.
Forever is now,
And now is over.

I now stand tall,
Looking down on a poor soul.
Locked in what used to be heaven,
Looking at what used to be me.

Now, kiss me goodbye,
And accept these withered flowers.
The flowers and this song are for you,
My dying love.

Forget You...

It will be easy to forget you...
I just can't look to the sky
or even remember the sea...
I'll just have to stop dreaming
and learn how to be alone...
I know I'll forget you..
I just can't remember your smile..
your beautiful eyes,
your sweet mouth...
I can do it,
I know I can...
I just can't look to anything,
I just can't remember,
I just can't live...
or love...
I'll forget how important you are on my life...
I'll just have to forget myself...

Neurotic Indisposition...

Breaking lights of darkness in the distance,
Flickering apologetic words,
Subconsciously passive, last resistance
I just want to atomize, shatter out of consistence
Flying into heavens like a flock of birds.

Counting down nanoseconds of my toll.
Tracing down the lines of existence
And these words of wisdom overdue for all
It is far too late for heavenly assistance,
When my sins accounted for the ending goal

Body’s rusting in the rain,
I am trying to forget and be forgotten.
Something clawing from the inside at my brain,
Something ghastly, dark and rotten.

Hear me and thus accept my flesh
Take my eyes so I can see again
Maybe then I can no longer be forsaken
Maybe then I can awaken,
Start my life anew, afresh...

Fallen Angel II

Fallen Angel
Crawling in my forlorn appearance
I hide my soul behind these tattered wings
Tattered and broken as they are
Plucked of light, stained in tears and blood.

In quiet despair upon the cold earth
Smeared in dirt I crouch upon my weary knees
And clutched timidly between my fingers
Rests one last jewel of Hope.

A single unblemished plume plucked
From the silver light of dawn
A feathered ray of light from beyond
To illuminate the void that has me bound.

This precious barb of silk
Once lost as I was and forgotten
Blazes now to immerse me in radiant bliss
To wash away the pain, draw me from the abyss.

So now I fade away…
My tender flesh removed
My shattered wings released
My inner light unsheathed… escapes....

"An angel who turned from the light now embraces it in death"

Saturday, November 22, 2008

My Fallen Angel..

Sad Angel

I saw you ,spreaded wings in the moons illuminating glow
flying through the midnight sky

darkened murky clouds shielded your descending figure
touching earths soil, you become a fallen angel

with folded wings you tried to become mortal just like me
holding me to your chest ,a fervent wish to make me just yours

and to never touch a star again
to never soar the open sky again

but is what it will cost to love me
in the shadow of your life..

it is where you choose to remain
but one day you returned to your place..

as you return to
your throne upon
the heavens

and for each tear that
flows from you cheeks
so shall a shooting
star fall for all to

"Can End of this Mortal life take you apart from me,I live your soul"

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Sweet Nostalgia

There are things that are better left unexplained. Love. Pain. Betrayal. Heartbreak. The worst and most painful of experiences are oftentimes the hardest to explain. It is there right in front of you and yet you cannot seem to grasp it. Simply because it is difficult to even try to face it. And anything difficult discourages us. It is but human nature. And so we begin to drown ourselves in a sea of self-pity, loneliness and desolation, not knowing when it’s going to end or how. But it will end.

They say pain is inevitable, all of us will go through painful experiences in our lives, but misery, misery is optional. You make a reality check and you tell yourself you cannot stay miserable forever. Because somewhere in between, there is hope. And everywhere around you, there is life. You know that there will always be tomorrow, literally and figuratively, and the thought of it keeps you going, knowing that no matter how difficult life is today, there is hope that tomorrow just might be better.

Tomorrow is indeed very powerful, because it overcomes yesterday. Therefore it gives our lives more hope and meaning. They say the brightest future will always be based on forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. We have to let go, because bitterness often puts away our strengths and weakens the littlest hope, making our lives more miserable than ever.

I used to have a sad story to tell… and along with it were questions I desperately searched for answers. It’s about love, pain, betrayal and heartbreak. I could torture myself for the rest of my life and still never fully understand. But you see…some things are better left unexplained

Let you Go....

Always through a haze I peered,I searched but never found you,
Though once or twice I thought I felt,But the wind took that away.
I won’t look again for fear of drowning,My heart would not stand the cruel
Currents and fight is all but gone.Somehow watching I think you knew,
Somewhere you have that part of me,Hidden and kept safe,
The other I have to let go of now,And lose without a trace,
But fragments still remain,Entwined and forever here,
To keep me from impossible hope,When tempestuous are my thoughts
And my heart drives me to the comfort Of insanity.

So from within my fragile shell,I still have you, my precious thing,
I will treasure and remember always,Pleasured memories when they sing.
I am loath to let you go just yet,and break my heart along with
my existence, which I want to cherish and savour the moments born here
and into infinity if need be and for longer yet, but I have to and I will, so that I may once again smile, that day is coming
soon, I promise myself, but I still
have you in here… meanwhile and until. i miss you but i bleed for your happyness.i live in hell for you to live in heaven...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

This One is for You.. Jaan

Storm of Demise


Beautiful sunsets,
And mystical moon rises,
Over a maiden without pain,
Over a maiden without shame.

She lived in a land with no equal,
And God made to her no sequel.
But deception lurked like a dagger,
Lodged within goodness, making it stagger.

Remorseless darkness begins to fall.
Fear awakens, and starts to call.
A storm besieges the enchanting land,
Thunder, Lightning, Hail like sand.

And caught among its furious waves,
A single maiden upon it angrily lays.
A storm of depression, self pity and guilt,
As retched as dirt, as fine as silt.

Between her and the storm, I firmly stand.
Absorbing the blows, dealt by its hand.
And after the wake of the raging storm,
Beside her I stay to keep her warm.

Then away I dash before HE arrives.
My anger flares, and my insides writhe.
My goddess, my angel, my rarest of flowers,
Lured back to him by some unknown power.

He promises empty, lecherous vows.
He anointing his loyalty, ever so foul.
But I see through his rotten lies,
To him, who created the storm of demise.

Before long, there is a change in the weather.
I watch, again, as the storm clouds gather.
Beseeched to watch till that fateful hour,
For over him... I have no power.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Sleep next to Me....

Whisper of the wind
You screamed through the peace
A release, as you tugged
From the depths of my lungs

Tickle on the grass
You stomped through the blades
A break, as you trudged
From the limbs that only gave

Mirage on the horizon
You solidified the vision
An incision, breaking the mold
From the things I never knew

And the wind howls
Blowing against the cracked blades
The mirage seems hollow
Without your strength to make it stay

My backbone hangs
Half limp without your embrace
My voice breaks cracked
Without your searing taste

"Fading everything to black and blue, you look a lot like you; Shatter in the blink of an eye. You keep sailing right on through, every time you say you're learning; You just look a lot like me, pale under the blistering sky. White and red, black and blue. You've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed,fall asleep next to me, wait for everyone to go away and in a dimly lit room where you've got nothing to hide say your goodbyes. Tell yourself we'll read a note that says I'm sorry everyone I'm tired of feeling nothing, goodbye. Wash your face, dry your eyes cause you've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed; but fall asleep next to me, have a dream I'm falling down on my face, scrape my knees, scrape my hands until they bleed, cause you're fast asleep next to me ."

Saturday, May 24, 2008


The moonlit highway stands alone,Drowning under the weight of the rain.The light-beams trickle and fade away.And in the darkness, their hands collide.Sensually they slip into a rhythm Of stolen moments and fleeting dreams,their bodies unwind, sigh and shudder.As one - in time the rhythm subsides,And sweat pollutes the Heaven's tears.Like oil to water, pleasure to sorrow.But their bodies tread along the mixture.Trembling, trapped between sin and bliss.All too soon reality beckons And hands are yanked and torn.In the dead of the night come forced goodbyes.As the moonlit highway again, stands alone

Monday, April 28, 2008

NJ---necronomical sufferings...

Sweet evanescent memories of you crosses my path ,flying and flowing with the wind due north A soft ache grows from deep within me ,stretching and rising with every thought of you
The leaves have fallen and the time has passed ,darkness now crept silently towards me
Pushing and rushing the light to go ,the memories of you and me, they went with the sun too
Nightmares erupted fiercely in my sleep exploding with a mess of tears and screams
The soft ache has now flourished into the unbearable pain like that of piercing knives
Waking to this cruel reality of loneliness ,the darkness before my eyes refused to leave
Blinded against the memories you have left, i couldn’t even reach out for your ghost
With these phantom images of what we used to be ,I’ve descended deeper into my tunnel of isolation .Without you, my heart drops further and further to where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster .And what’s left will be that dried bloodiness mess of me

Monday, April 21, 2008

Dont wanna loose you..

I have lost you, you disappeared,dissolved in the mist of memories.I held you, but you loosed my grip and I let you slip, away in the dark.
Carnations, they fell on the grave,half-frozen and broken, dying along...So sad, that I'm glad, they are picked by the wind,in whirls and twirls, in dance of the death.
But the wind is so cold and so strange.It scares me and buries me, together with you.In a silent desire, in ashes of fire,scattered by the wind ,you aregone, I'm gone too.
The wind and the bitter coldness of a stone,that's what make me moan...and cry, hewed inside.On a silent grave, on last stand of hope,bruised, torned and clawed, I can barely cope...
I am raped! By a cruelty and the sordid cold.and this is my soul, tossed and revealed, in the shame!Shivering, in the cloud of a frozen dust,clutching the bars of cage, without a way out.
That is my soul, tamed, parted in solitude!That is my heart, broken, with shreds on the ground.And even that I'm dead, wind brings me a sound,reminder on my sorrow, it still wake my mind.
I have lost you...lost you...And even carnations are gone.Wind played them away, into oblivion.Standing under the lead sky, silent and so alone, crying, I still sense their essence, merging into cold.i dont wanna loose you..

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Do you Recognise my blood...

In a September, crawling, mourning
a summer lost to raven skies and soon frosted morning.
I walk at burnt leaves, falling, roaming.
Like my own life, cold and scorning with each toss
and turn till the awning is broken on choppy seas
calling, churning.

In the dead of a night, hollow, lonely
emptiness steals, the last echoing laughter, and only
after I wrestle with covers, deflated, yawning
Like my own life, no texture, padding with each toss
and turn till the madding, aching day draws my body
to a dead sea.
I know you have forgotten me but do you recognise my blood?

Saturday, March 29, 2008


"The journey of our love is the distance between us "

Sunday, March 23, 2008


In this opium of solace and resolution, I stand and watch from this empty hollow restitution,And wonder what symptoms may follow through and beyond this restless dream,Can I not contain this any longer, the voices of suffering,I walk alone and build what little has and will remain,The anger and darkness of the abyss now consume the hate.A misinterpretation of sorrow may blind this festering wound.And it is the bleeding of heart that has left us here so suddenly so soon.Here the sanction of want may suffer the reality.Here alone it withers and dies without the fertility.The fertility of wisdom and the rule of authority.The meaning sold and taught without reason.The years pass as do the seasons.Why have you left me here, why now in this cold dark place.In this opium of solace and resolution without that longing embrace...

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Rain Drops..

"Mio tesoro questa pioggia ha appesantito le nostre ali,dobbiamo solamente trovare un angolo per ripararci da essa,per asciugare le piume dei nostri sentimenti e della nostra anima.Allora capirai anche tu che il passato non è stato il nostro apice,per la prima volta vedrai quanto può essere meraviglioso volare insieme. "

"My darling this rain has weight down our own wings.we have just to find a place where we can take refuge from it,to dry the feathers of our feelings and our souls.So you'll see that past wasn't our top,for the first time you will see how wonderful is to fly away together with me."

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


"I est un jeu pour vous encore pardonné you.can vous supporter?"

"i was a game for you still forgave you.can you bear it?"

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I Love You....

I surrender to you when you pressed me to your chest

Forgive me for the sadness and the bringing of you down

I just needed love, I needed a friend,I needed you

and there you were running from forever like all the rest

Three simple words bled me dry

Three simple words bled us dry

I love you....

Saturday, February 23, 2008


Ocean waves wash my soul ,

cleanse me of your smile and the memory,

Of ten fingers entwined forever in a hopeless wish........


Sometimes along the dark glistening aura of night, my heart loosens slowly.Reminders of you always stays fresh even in murky ponds of suffocating emotions.Like everyday you wake me in the morning,when the sun shines again.after along period of desolution.It's frightening when all I know falls apart.And all I know is you.Hunger squeezes me tighter.My soul sags with exhaustion.Ashtrays fill with sleepless nights.Weeping intensifies my anxiety.Can tomorrow come without today?The cheap chandelier falls on my face.The rose filled lamp explodes in my hands.Pain is unrecognizable.All I knew was you.You. My love. and you left on one saturday.


Bless me of so that my blood turns black. Bless me so i fall to darkness.

the unending enchanting night allures me to let my darkness flow from all my arteries, through all my veins. i demise life. i forgive you. i am blessed for the dark.

Friday, February 22, 2008

your eyes....

When I look at your eyes, I see your true self.I see you're sweet, and caring.
I see you're giving and forgiving.I see your love for me.
When I look at your eyes I stop myself from crying.
When I'm alone and think about your eyes I cry.
I can't stop thinking that one day I'll never see those eyes again.
That I'll never see the love or the sweetness Or the love that makes you who you are.
One day you'll be gone - gone from me.
Gone from this world.
No matter what happens, those eyes will one day close
And forever rest in peace.But you'll never be completely gone,
Because every time I close my eyes,There you will be....i will live with your soul...

Bless me..

I could look at a burning candle forever. Even feel my life
wasting with its melting wax. My sick laughter as I dip my finger
tips into the blistering pool.. I'm actually amused at the burning
sting that takes over this nothingness. Reminding me that I still
can FEEL.

you came to me as silently in a lonesome hour.i saw you smiling at me when none did the wept away crystals while holding me close,i still feel your breath and warmth on my chest . How do i get you out of my mind?Out of my soul?, Out of my body?Each moment with you occupies every cell within me I don't just love you...i feel you alive in me, how do i forget you?? by killing you or myself??Guess that's the only way...I've to die too .Get you out of my mortal existence but what about the aura around my dead body?Can you put and end to that too?
Deathwish peered into my eyes with conviction,you gave me petals of iron to draw patterns in crimson.your hand upon mine, we began to use them against my heart till it bleed
Deathwish you leaned over me for a kiss farewell.painting my charms with scriptures, Force the darkness unto me,pierce my soul apart and wish me life in hell.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


A wreath is ecclesiastical on my head, preaching me of its inevitable symmetry and unyielding diligence. A foreseeable perdition of what is yet to come, and how life will end with no regard of how it withered to ash and dust. "You believe the eyes only venture once when lastly glazed, as I take you under my wings of eternal slumber. But I am in every dismal face, devouring pieces of the fragile soul. I take your pain onto me; your mortal loss is solely my gain. Into my hollow valley, you find your remains. So why fear me as life passes you by if the moment you're born you begin to die?"i envy you of your power. the power of yours to rule over me.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

The abstract life.

As we pass through the numerous crossroads of life we come across many who accompany us in this journey of myriad experiences. Underlying this is a resonance, a chord which strikes between me and your abstract beauty.relation between you and me which never can be defined.

Among the darkest nights i find myself into the incandescent light consumed By the lean and famished moon;A sweeping typhoon, I am befallen to the thin air .Whose lulling dissipates with clandestine fog.Suspect nothing but the barren log-Shelter, solace, I spotted thee Aghast within the perpetual distance And growing farther by the reminiscence. Effrevescent daggers lunged at the blue colossus,"Thy blood lies, but the fruit of mine own Toil and passed stone thousand burdens burning brightly,Efface from my peripheral sight!"The swipes were beholden from a boisterous hand, Striking flesh upon the Tattered's command. i lament betwixt subtle seas for only the pride in myheart for you. Desire to lie in the brazen bone Of centuries holding you close to my heart hence condoned. I shot back the vacant, cold stare which stood lifeless as my inability to snatch you from destiny .Whence faces drew the irein, my self-perpetuated fire ,to bare the calling towards the blackest abyss ,as my body curls heavyly with the ground.i just want your lips to touch mine just for my last mortal kiss. for i shall live for eternity blesssed by your love.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

silence and solitude

Koto anuranan, koto spondon,Koto jigyasha, koto bhalobasha.

Somoy egiye jaye, jibon kete jaaye.

smriti aar bismriti hoye jaaye ekakar

Ei jibon e koto anuronon, koto spondon.

I sometimes find I'm drifting,Through this life without any effect, often wonder if I'm truly worth what I've been blessed. I search through days that have been hard,To try to understand,The many trials that I have known,The life that I have had.

You see me in my daily grind,So confident and strong.Yet when everybody retires after the end of the day, when I am alone, I question Just where I belong.I often try too hard I find,To analyze and guess,To scrutinize, investigate about my life. i find no answer . Someday I will confess.For somewhere deeper, there must be some meaning to this life, Some way to make a difference,Give a reason for this quest. Is there some hidden meaning?Some agenda to be found?A greater purpose waiting If I care to hang for some more time?sometimes It teases and it taunts me,Always slightly out of sight,A hazy vision out of reach,Where darkness hides the light.I struggle to bring clarity,to what awaits me there, And yet this weak illusion always fades before my stare.It seems the harder that I try,To focus through the blurred, Just serves to add more questions,Through my endless, tired gaze.Perhaps I'm trying just too hard,To understand it all,For can we ever truly know just what we have in silence?Each incident, each moment passed,Just adds upon the next,But in the end, will I find truth ...Or will I be cursed?Perhaps I make it harder than it has to be sometimes,But will my searching bring to me my meaning over time?Or will it leave me broken and confused, as I feel now,While questions brings me just utter silence and solitude.

Monday, February 11, 2008

crimson lies

I'll stay here forever, blocking out the bright vivid colors of your lies. Ever will the touch of your flesh haunt me, the folds our blankets made in the darkness of the night, the thoughts we shared under the moonlight. Broken promises never intended to ever hurt a living soul so dear, ripping holes in my chest.Fresh blood everyday, oozing from my gapping wounds, trickling down my body causing my life to be a world of bloody lies,crimson with hate.The taste of you, forever lasting upon my tounge, i'm etching closer to that sweet smell of solitude is every thing to me,there's nothing more that I want...Wrap me in all coldness,hold me,don't stop until I’m gone...Let me feel your cold touch,feel you,feel pain all over my body...Release my soul from your existence.release my soul and curse me to darkness. Darkness falling down upon an open bleeding slab. Piercing through the night like nothing ever has .Slipping smoothly through all the cracks For which were never really known .A cold damp darkness that once felt can never be removed The dark of sadness that pierces ever wound .And as i crash upon a hollow ground,All i ever knew begins to fade beyond my sight Stealing away all happiness and joy from my eyes .This is a place where such a happiness cannot exist. A place where the darkness never loosens its strong grip.Where all hope of ever escaping is lost to an empty nothingness,Where the only thing that ever falls besides myself Is a storm of tears falling to an empty ground Forever falling through the night Without the smallest glimmer of sunshine A darkness only known by those who has been cursed by you and your crimson lies.


It is this rain the responsible of my acts. I am animal that exceeds of the pure beings, i am a mist that runs over the wisdom without realizing. To destroy me it is necessary the truth, and to create me a lie, to love me it is necessary to come up to the infinite, and to hate me only it is necessary to understand my lament. It is the distress that fixes to itself in my chest the selfish suffering of an ignoramus, is the shade of what was defenseless and the cruel reality of those of my species. I am happy because at least I know my destination, nevertheless the cigars have it uncertain. I am wretched because I love what hurts me, a weak one because I leave myself to go of the lusts, a wise one because I know when to be quiet, absent-minded because it is easy to wrap me, useless because I have no reason to exist. Those who speak my language me will understand, but those who are of strange languages will have for that to wait. At the end of my sorrows, quite this when for ending, put to desist from my egocentrismo and to give up suddenly what I have inherited from the darkness. If I can see further than this barred up window, I can view all that is before me.Sometimes I cannot hear past the walls that are enclosing my surroundings.If I can feel the life infused within me again, will I truly be free?If I can signifiy my mood, I would not need words to descibe it.But when I'm out of my cell, I want you and everyone to see that i still survive.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Jiboner kach thekey lenden bujhey niye premikar shobtuku bishash baji rekhey
Firay jabey shob hara ekjon ajratey, alo adharir chuye , firay jabey juar table ey ekjon bibagi,
aj sob porajoy mene niye,fire jabe ekjon bebagi


What's worse? Feeling pain, or feeling numb? Feeling that someone betrayed you or someone has forgotten you? I pick the latter choice of the two.Nothing is worst than being left with nothing. Nothing is worst than being left with 'everything'. Where should we stand? It's hell both ways, but even "hell" has degrees.Crying in anguish is so much better than crying in void. Seems like the walls have grown fists and now they're choking.The memories are gone. I tried to remember, but they were blurred, and I stuttered a thousand times trying to bring them to life. 'Yes, you're not my muse anymore, but you're a part of me and I don’t want to lose that.' I think I might have an advice to give on how to be 'insensitive'.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Abbhorent Desolation..

In the corner beside my window
There hangs a lonely photograph
There is no reason I'd never notice
A memory that could hold me back
There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place
Gone through days without talking
There is a comfort in silence
So used to losing all ambition
Struggling to maintain what's left
Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me..Amen

She went away, and I'm here to stay, forever in this decaying cell. Trapped between myself and myself. And you ask me why my eyes would cry bitter blood tears. Why I would lament a god-willed state. A forfeit I shall be, and accept this as my fate.A wreath is ecclesiastical on my head, preaching me of its inevitable symmetry and unyielding diligence. A foreseeable perdition of what is yet to come, and how life will end with no regard of how it withered to ash and dust. "You believe the eyes only venture once when lastly glazed, as I take you under my wings of eternal slumber. But I am in every dismal face, devouring pieces of the fragile soul. I take your pain onto me; your mortal loss is solely my gain. Into my hollow valley, you find your remains. So why fear me as life passes you by if the moment you're born you begin to die?i suffer for you..


After the lightened haze, she turned her head to be locked in a box of velvet bricks. Walls so thick, cannot hear the sobs of this wretched detachment — desolation bleeds out the eye. So cold, yet soothing; this deadly peace in which She abides. Her home of mirror loathing. A self-constructed castle of fabrications. Beyond are Smiles of paint, sighs of concealed impatience.
They say time passes quicker when you're happy. The laughter would carry it away, without brushing you with its breeze…and you simply would not notice. I suppose, if that's true, then time would be heavy and thick when you're sad.Yes, I agree… I don't know much about happiness –and that is because I tolerated being bleak- but I know that sadness is savored, not only felt…that is why some people would hang on to their heartrending memories. Another thing is … I don't think people can take pain for granted, but they seem to have a habit of doing just that with blissful moments. I felt time going slow once, now… even with the burdens I bear, time is going fast. What would that mean? …I'm just being the anomaly that I am? or that "my mask of sanity is about to slip".I don't know how things are moving too fast, but Death's Arrow runs faster than lightening...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Better to have loved and lost

They say "Better to have loved and lost", a condolence to a broken heart.I scorn their resignation… I say "better to never have loved, then you wouldn't have lost".When you're alone again, all you'd have is memories searing your senses, not empathizing with your loss. The sweet turns bitter, and the bitter turns worse… and you're left to struggle with the pain."Love" never gives the promise of forever. It's us who do all the talking, like you're bound to say what your mind sows for you, no matter how high it is with all the confusing frenzy.Then, when it’s all clear, you wake up with the worst hangover of your life, not knowing what hit you. Karma works its magic."Better to never have loved" …maybe the resignation is mine.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Walk With Me

Walk with me, the path of life,to explore every bend of the road. Enjoy with me the beauty of life,along its wonderful way Find comfort with me, in each other's arms,when grief crosses our path.Find strength with me, in each other's strength,when despair lies in wait Laugh with me, a single true laugh,to enlighten another's distress.Cry with me, a single true tear,to understand true happiness Cherish with me, the wonders of life, as they need to be preserved.Rejoice with me, in the mysteries,of what is yet to be.Find peace with me, in each other's souls,when the world has gone insane. Find love with me, in each other's hearts,until this life has been fulfilled And when the path comes to an end. I hope we can say from within We've known the beauty of true love,our love came from within.AMEN


She doesn't exist in this world, only beyond the surface of the cold screen. She doesn't exist. And I hate that I compare her to all beings when put to test. How crude and tedious they become, and how she would silently suffer in isolation. But she's not real; I am yet to convince myself. I need her, but she's of my own creation, I give her the pulse, the silence in which she mesmerizes me. I make her tragic, and alluring but I can't feel her warmth. Only blankly stare where she resides. Beyond the screen. Inside my imaginations.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Agonistic Spirit

Thinking of you acid rain falls or are those tears which burns fiery paths of hurt down myface and on my neck. where I can't swallow or breathe . canthis choking be my end? Yes but the pain has just begun as the heart thirsts for love but only soaks in anguish. which drains it of life tearing a jagged scar. a raw wound open and screeching , echoing through a tortured mind ,then time is the enemy.All that remainsis a skeleton of agonistic spirit ,singing a haunting melody -"I'll lOVE YOU TO THE BITTER END "

Just a Little Longer

Desolation,Wide open space,Between the trees and me,Emptiness and me,Confusion and decisions,Feelings hard to define,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.Coldness seeps Its way in,I am falling deeper,Into what I fear most,As I reach out,There is nothing there,As possible there was something once,Only to be gone,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.The sun drops,The last inch of light falls,The squirrels more likely to be huddled up,But not me,Something I never possessed.And I say to myself,Just a little longer.Then the sun has gone.Darkness spreads its wings over me.I see nothing so no one sees me,Feeling of bitterness only,And I say to myself,Just a little longer. An Owl peers down,With question in her eyes,She doesn't have a hope,In helping me,As she doesn't see my pain,Spreads her wings,Passes me by,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.The soft earth,Seems the only thing holding me up,Even then I could slip,And wondering takes me,To why and how I got here,Without even knowing it,Yet no one notices,As they didn't see before,So I say to myself,Just a little longer. Shimmering in the darkness,I see two moons,Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,Ongoing forever more,Along a rocky road,Slowly giving in to finding a way out,I take the plunge under the river,Then the wind carries a whisper,Gently on a breeze,'Just a little longer.'


I must admit that I have often thoughtof leaving it all behind and letting everything go I was lost and alone, as I always am,So many people around me,Yet no one seems to care.They say they understand and love me very much,But just when I Trust to love, they forget and move on.I held the knife so close as tears, mixed with blood,Began to fall slowly.Like a foolish child I cried.Knowing that I could end it all nowmade my mind draw a blank.I put the knife away and tried to wipe the blood,that ran faster than I can describe.I knew suicide wasn't the answer I was looking for.I knew there was a reason for me being alone.So many bad things happening at once -They can make you forgetAbout the good qualities of life.Even though life is hard,and trouble an inevitable part of it.If you decide to leave it all behind,maybe you will,but I can guarantee that others ....Your Mistake will haunt


Silence Only tears As I press the blade Against my pale skin Red The blood flows From the wounds Echoing my inner pain SatisfactionAs I feel the knife Slicing into me .I only deserve pain Anguish As I realize what I've done I feel accomplishment. As I gaze at the marks upon my skin.People are horrified Don't understand why Neither do I.