Death!!

Covered in darkness...
Icy hands on my shoulder...
A Beautifull young woman...
Death, I fear it not...

Lies!!!

There is a meaning or so I'm told
For the story of my life unfold

I cannot grasp in the realms of logic
Why these puppeteers pull along
But, there must be a reason ...
For why on earth would this be without?

It's about respect, She says ... respect
From my voyeuristic musing of the world
Society, meaning, lies, deceit
I realise ... life isn't worth just that

Wondering what awaits me afar
This legacy of time, but another lie
There must be a method without ...
Without pain, quick & worthy.

Humanistic nature graps ease
Then, why not the easiest path
The path to end, the abrupt peace
Irony rampant through lies & deceit

She said she'd live the lie to its fullest
Admission of the lie of life she claimed
You submit to the lie, live on but ...
Don't force me to serve your deceit.

Let me go ...
Give me peace.

Deadly Illusions

Silence builds up, lasting forever
Inside of me, memory neurons twitch
Slowly released, fabric of greed
Nothing makes sense, no one believes

Shaking, shuddering, violence held back
Racing, running, away from the past
Eyes unblinded, seeing untold truths
Negative emotions pervade within, through

I feel distracted, not lost, but found
Rescued by no one, only myself
The tow rope, the floaty, the life line cast out
I threw them and jumped, belief without doubt

Walls closing in, illusionary visions
Liquid distortion, tears from your eyes
Exhaling, unconfidence, your only best friend
Living in the mirror, but more so in your head

I have tasted your loss, and reveled in it
I have bested your best, and gloated about it
I have never lost to you, and sometimes I wish
I wasn't so arrogant, so right, so complete

Cocaine diaries, marijuana mysteries
Drugs polluting your body, only they feel right
Unreasonable dictions, restless behavior
I'm gone, only temporary, I'll be here tomorrow

Heatrbreak

I’ve come to see Needing you was always the necessity But what I didn’t see
Was the empty space in between Your heart and mine
So distant, so far away Beautiful heartbreak
I never noticed before You were mine
Never was I yours You already closed that door
Staring through your eyes With no one ever looking back at me
Beautiful heartbreak Soul mates without love
A dream filled with heartache Holding hands, I didn’t feel your touch Fearful of rejection, I ignored the lack of affection
But now I realize you’ve merely been my crutch
You and I,
Like music devoid of feeling Giving up someone I never had

It’s a Beautiful heartbreak

Losing Grip

Help me find a way
for the things i have done
losing grip

So many thins I've said
have gotten into your head
losing grip again

trying to figure out why i dam doing this
why am i hurting you like this
losing grip once more

your gettin upset
i can see i'm doing damage
i'll give myself one more chance. i'm hanging by a thread.

i've finally snapped. i've got you trapped
you'll leave me
i've finally lost grip .....

Memories Of Your Warmth.....

I lay on my cold bed,
recalling when she said,
"I love you."

Now I sit at home,
a lovesick clone.
Then my lips move, and i say,
"I love you."

The memory of her smell
reminds me of hell,
but at the same time,
I love her.

Her eyes were so blue,
when our love was new.
I love her.

And even though she walked out;
I still think about
those memories of warmth.....


"This Pain has my blood,i hope you are happy"

I wish to be Your lover...

If I wrote you a lullaby with verses of moonlit, fogged breath and a chorus of heartbeats- would you fall asleep with our melody in your palms?

I lie awake at night and watch traffic lights outside my window shout RED into the peace quiet and occasional hazy rev of traffic. I lie awake and shiver through layers and wish to silent stars it wasn’t winter, wish the nighttime cool wouldn’t paint quite so many goose bumps on my skin and make my eyelids so cold. I lie awake at night and night-dream without sleep- about you and all your eyelashes and beautiful wordings.

I like the way your collarbone lies horizontally beneath your neck, resting on light shoulders. God must have hidden it beneath your peach skin in a hurry, because with hurried hands he didn’t push it in quite far enough. I imagine him assembling you, I envisage your organs and elongated limbs before you were in a single piece, a mess-heap of portions and parts of beautiful. I would have liked to build you up myself, just to step back and inflatedly grin at my artwork.

I make a habit of closing my eyes before I come too close, your eyes send me into a dangerous euphoria . I wonder if you notice, I wonder if you wonder if I notice the way you smile too often, don’t get enough sleep and eat too much sugar.

I write you love letters in my mind, and when I try to recite them, all I can do is speak cloudily with made-up words that mean things I can’t quite say; in awe of everything that is you, and everything that is possibly, probably, wishfully and longingly us.

If you were the moon I’d be nighttime’s navy breath in your craters. If you were the sand I’d be the rolling waves submerging every golden grain of you. If you were a heart I’d be the encasing ribcage and the hot blood in your arteries. If you were allow, I’d be your lover.

Fade Away...

Whispering your last goodbye as you let go of my hand
A stabbing pain swept over me, a pain I could not stand
Unable to hold back the tears forming on the brim of my eyes
Could no longer look at you, so I turned my head to the skies
Praying for the rain to fall, and wash away these unwanted tears
Waiting for the rain to come, and sweep me away from here

So I watched silently as your footsteps got smaller and smaller
And I watched hopelessly as your shadow grew taller and taller
As I clung on to your shadow in an attempt to hold you back
I am sadly only reminded of the strengths I had once lacked
I wanted to tell you to stay because I still need you by my side
But once again my true feelings are hindered by my foolish pride

So unwillingly I watched your silhouette slowly fade away
And reluctantly I let my heart die and gradually decay
But at last, reality sets in, and I wipe away these useless tears
Finally realizing I can't sit here drowning in self pity as you disappear
So I gathered my last ounce of courage and I raced after you
Only to find that you are already gone and no longer within view

Angel Tears

For My Dying Love...

Every time you touch me,
It leaves a burning mark.
And so my dying love,
We shall touch no more.

I have to let it go,
All the promises I will never fulfill.
The lie that I decided to believe will evaporate,
And I will breathe the fresh air of truth.

You will be a widow to my love,
Unchained from the aching commitments.
You will not feast on my lies anymore,
Stepping proudly out, into the light.

We should have loved till eternity,
But time caught up with us.
Forever is now,
And now is over.

I now stand tall,
Looking down on a poor soul.
Locked in what used to be heaven,
Looking at what used to be me.

Now, kiss me goodbye,
And accept these withered flowers.
The flowers and this song are for you,
My dying love.

Forget You...

It will be easy to forget you...
I just can't look to the sky
or even remember the sea...
I'll just have to stop dreaming
and learn how to be alone...
I know I'll forget you..
I just can't remember your smile..
your beautiful eyes,
your sweet mouth...
I can do it,
I know I can...
I just can't look to anything,
I just can't remember,
I just can't live...
or love...
I'll forget how important you are on my life...
I'll just have to forget myself...

Neurotic Indisposition...

Breaking lights of darkness in the distance,
Flickering apologetic words,
Subconsciously passive, last resistance
I just want to atomize, shatter out of consistence
Flying into heavens like a flock of birds.

Counting down nanoseconds of my toll.
Tracing down the lines of existence
And these words of wisdom overdue for all
It is far too late for heavenly assistance,
When my sins accounted for the ending goal

Body’s rusting in the rain,
I am trying to forget and be forgotten.
Something clawing from the inside at my brain,
Something ghastly, dark and rotten.

Hear me and thus accept my flesh
Take my eyes so I can see again
Maybe then I can no longer be forsaken
Maybe then I can awaken,
Start my life anew, afresh...

Fallen Angel II

Fallen Angel
Crawling in my forlorn appearance
I hide my soul behind these tattered wings
Tattered and broken as they are
Plucked of light, stained in tears and blood.

In quiet despair upon the cold earth
Smeared in dirt I crouch upon my weary knees
And clutched timidly between my fingers
Rests one last jewel of Hope.

A single unblemished plume plucked
From the silver light of dawn
A feathered ray of light from beyond
To illuminate the void that has me bound.

This precious barb of silk
Once lost as I was and forgotten
Blazes now to immerse me in radiant bliss
To wash away the pain, draw me from the abyss.

So now I fade away…
My tender flesh removed
My shattered wings released
My inner light unsheathed… escapes....



"An angel who turned from the light now embraces it in death"

My Fallen Angel..

Sad Angel
Angel.....

I saw you ,spreaded wings in the moons illuminating glow
flying through the midnight sky

darkened murky clouds shielded your descending figure
touching earths soil, you become a fallen angel

with folded wings you tried to become mortal just like me
holding me to your chest ,a fervent wish to make me just yours

and to never touch a star again
to never soar the open sky again

but is what it will cost to love me
in the shadow of your life..

it is where you choose to remain
but one day you returned to your place..

as you return to
your throne upon
the heavens

and for each tear that
flows from you cheeks
so shall a shooting
star fall for all to
see...


"Can End of this Mortal life take you apart from me,I live your soul"

Sweet Nostalgia

There are things that are better left unexplained. Love. Pain. Betrayal. Heartbreak. The worst and most painful of experiences are oftentimes the hardest to explain. It is there right in front of you and yet you cannot seem to grasp it. Simply because it is difficult to even try to face it. And anything difficult discourages us. It is but human nature. And so we begin to drown ourselves in a sea of self-pity, loneliness and desolation, not knowing when it’s going to end or how. But it will end.

They say pain is inevitable, all of us will go through painful experiences in our lives, but misery, misery is optional. You make a reality check and you tell yourself you cannot stay miserable forever. Because somewhere in between, there is hope. And everywhere around you, there is life. You know that there will always be tomorrow, literally and figuratively, and the thought of it keeps you going, knowing that no matter how difficult life is today, there is hope that tomorrow just might be better.

Tomorrow is indeed very powerful, because it overcomes yesterday. Therefore it gives our lives more hope and meaning. They say the brightest future will always be based on forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. We have to let go, because bitterness often puts away our strengths and weakens the littlest hope, making our lives more miserable than ever.

I used to have a sad story to tell… and along with it were questions I desperately searched for answers. It’s about love, pain, betrayal and heartbreak. I could torture myself for the rest of my life and still never fully understand. But you see…some things are better left unexplained

Let you Go....

Always through a haze I peered,I searched but never found you,
Though once or twice I thought I felt,But the wind took that away.
I won’t look again for fear of drowning,My heart would not stand the cruel
Currents and fight is all but gone.Somehow watching I think you knew,
Somewhere you have that part of me,Hidden and kept safe,
The other I have to let go of now,And lose without a trace,
But fragments still remain,Entwined and forever here,
To keep me from impossible hope,When tempestuous are my thoughts
And my heart drives me to the comfort Of insanity.

So from within my fragile shell,I still have you, my precious thing,
I will treasure and remember always,Pleasured memories when they sing.
I am loath to let you go just yet,and break my heart along with
my existence, which I want to cherish and savour the moments born here
and into infinity if need be and for longer yet, but I have to and I will, so that I may once again smile, that day is coming
soon, I promise myself, but I still
have you in here… meanwhile and until. i miss you but i bleed for your happyness.i live in hell for you to live in heaven...

This One is for You.. Jaan

Storm of Demise

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Beautiful sunsets,
And mystical moon rises,
Over a maiden without pain,
Over a maiden without shame.

She lived in a land with no equal,
And God made to her no sequel.
But deception lurked like a dagger,
Lodged within goodness, making it stagger.

Remorseless darkness begins to fall.
Fear awakens, and starts to call.
A storm besieges the enchanting land,
Thunder, Lightning, Hail like sand.

And caught among its furious waves,
A single maiden upon it angrily lays.
A storm of depression, self pity and guilt,
As retched as dirt, as fine as silt.

Between her and the storm, I firmly stand.
Absorbing the blows, dealt by its hand.
And after the wake of the raging storm,
Beside her I stay to keep her warm.

Then away I dash before HE arrives.
My anger flares, and my insides writhe.
My goddess, my angel, my rarest of flowers,
Lured back to him by some unknown power.

He promises empty, lecherous vows.
He anointing his loyalty, ever so foul.
But I see through his rotten lies,
To him, who created the storm of demise.

Before long, there is a change in the weather.
I watch, again, as the storm clouds gather.
Beseeched to watch till that fateful hour,
For over him... I have no power.

Sleep next to Me....

Whisper of the wind
You screamed through the peace
A release, as you tugged
From the depths of my lungs

Tickle on the grass
You stomped through the blades
A break, as you trudged
From the limbs that only gave

Mirage on the horizon
You solidified the vision
An incision, breaking the mold
From the things I never knew

And the wind howls
Blowing against the cracked blades
The mirage seems hollow
Without your strength to make it stay

My backbone hangs
Half limp without your embrace
My voice breaks cracked
Without your searing taste


"Fading everything to black and blue, you look a lot like you; Shatter in the blink of an eye. You keep sailing right on through, every time you say you're learning; You just look a lot like me, pale under the blistering sky. White and red, black and blue. You've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed,fall asleep next to me, wait for everyone to go away and in a dimly lit room where you've got nothing to hide say your goodbyes. Tell yourself we'll read a note that says I'm sorry everyone I'm tired of feeling nothing, goodbye. Wash your face, dry your eyes cause you've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed; but fall asleep next to me, have a dream I'm falling down on my face, scrape my knees, scrape my hands until they bleed, cause you're fast asleep next to me ."

Moonlight

The moonlit highway stands alone,Drowning under the weight of the rain.The light-beams trickle and fade away.And in the darkness, their hands collide.Sensually they slip into a rhythm Of stolen moments and fleeting dreams,their bodies unwind, sigh and shudder.As one - in time the rhythm subsides,And sweat pollutes the Heaven's tears.Like oil to water, pleasure to sorrow.But their bodies tread along the mixture.Trembling, trapped between sin and bliss.All too soon reality beckons And hands are yanked and torn.In the dead of the night come forced goodbyes.As the moonlit highway again, stands alone

NJ---necronomical sufferings...

Sweet evanescent memories of you crosses my path ,flying and flowing with the wind due north A soft ache grows from deep within me ,stretching and rising with every thought of you
The leaves have fallen and the time has passed ,darkness now crept silently towards me
Pushing and rushing the light to go ,the memories of you and me, they went with the sun too
Nightmares erupted fiercely in my sleep exploding with a mess of tears and screams
The soft ache has now flourished into the unbearable pain like that of piercing knives
Waking to this cruel reality of loneliness ,the darkness before my eyes refused to leave
Blinded against the memories you have left, i couldn’t even reach out for your ghost
With these phantom images of what we used to be ,I’ve descended deeper into my tunnel of isolation .Without you, my heart drops further and further to where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster .And what’s left will be that dried bloodiness mess of me