Covered in darkness...
Icy hands on my shoulder...
A Beautifull young woman...
Death, I fear it not...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Lies!!!
There is a meaning or so I'm told
For the story of my life unfold
I cannot grasp in the realms of logic
Why these puppeteers pull along
But, there must be a reason ...
For why on earth would this be without?
It's about respect, She says ... respect
From my voyeuristic musing of the world
Society, meaning, lies, deceit
I realise ... life isn't worth just that
Wondering what awaits me afar
This legacy of time, but another lie
There must be a method without ...
Without pain, quick & worthy.
Humanistic nature graps ease
Then, why not the easiest path
The path to end, the abrupt peace
Irony rampant through lies & deceit
She said she'd live the lie to its fullest
Admission of the lie of life she claimed
You submit to the lie, live on but ...
Don't force me to serve your deceit.
Let me go ...
Give me peace.
Deadly Illusions
Silence builds up, lasting forever
Inside of me, memory neurons twitch
Slowly released, fabric of greed
Nothing makes sense, no one believes
Shaking, shuddering, violence held back
Racing, running, away from the past
Eyes unblinded, seeing untold truths
Negative emotions pervade within, through
I feel distracted, not lost, but found
Rescued by no one, only myself
The tow rope, the floaty, the life line cast out
I threw them and jumped, belief without doubt
Walls closing in, illusionary visions
Liquid distortion, tears from your eyes
Exhaling, unconfidence, your only best friend
Living in the mirror, but more so in your head
I have tasted your loss, and reveled in it
I have bested your best, and gloated about it
I have never lost to you, and sometimes I wish
I wasn't so arrogant, so right, so complete
Cocaine diaries, marijuana mysteries
Drugs polluting your body, only they feel right
Unreasonable dictions, restless behavior
I'm gone, only temporary, I'll be here tomorrow
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Heatrbreak
I’ve come to see Needing you was always the necessity But what I didn’t see
Was the empty space in between Your heart and mine
So distant, so far away Beautiful heartbreak
I never noticed before You were mine
Never was I yours You already closed that door
Staring through your eyes With no one ever looking back at me
Beautiful heartbreak Soul mates without love
A dream filled with heartache Holding hands, I didn’t feel your touch Fearful of rejection, I ignored the lack of affection
But now I realize you’ve merely been my crutch
You and I,
Like music devoid of feeling Giving up someone I never had
It’s a Beautiful heartbreak
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Losing Grip
Help me find a way
for the things i have done
losing grip
So many thins I've said
have gotten into your head
losing grip again
trying to figure out why i dam doing this
why am i hurting you like this
losing grip once more
your gettin upset
i can see i'm doing damage
i'll give myself one more chance. i'm hanging by a thread.
i've finally snapped. i've got you trapped
you'll leave me
i've finally lost grip .....
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Memories Of Your Warmth.....
I lay on my cold bed,
recalling when she said,
"I love you."
Now I sit at home,
a lovesick clone.
Then my lips move, and i say,
"I love you."
The memory of her smell
reminds me of hell,
but at the same time,
I love her.
Her eyes were so blue,
when our love was new.
I love her.
And even though she walked out;
I still think about
those memories of warmth.....
"This Pain has my blood,i hope you are happy"
I wish to be Your lover...
If I wrote you a lullaby with verses of moonlit, fogged breath and a chorus of heartbeats- would you fall asleep with our melody in your palms?
I lie awake at night and watch traffic lights outside my window shout RED into the peace quiet and occasional hazy rev of traffic. I lie awake and shiver through layers and wish to silent stars it wasn’t winter, wish the nighttime cool wouldn’t paint quite so many goose bumps on my skin and make my eyelids so cold. I lie awake at night and night-dream without sleep- about you and all your eyelashes and beautiful wordings.
I like the way your collarbone lies horizontally beneath your neck, resting on light shoulders. God must have hidden it beneath your peach skin in a hurry, because with hurried hands he didn’t push it in quite far enough. I imagine him assembling you, I envisage your organs and elongated limbs before you were in a single piece, a mess-heap of portions and parts of beautiful. I would have liked to build you up myself, just to step back and inflatedly grin at my artwork.
I make a habit of closing my eyes before I come too close, your eyes send me into a dangerous euphoria . I wonder if you notice, I wonder if you wonder if I notice the way you smile too often, don’t get enough sleep and eat too much sugar.
I write you love letters in my mind, and when I try to recite them, all I can do is speak cloudily with made-up words that mean things I can’t quite say; in awe of everything that is you, and everything that is possibly, probably, wishfully and longingly us.
If you were the moon I’d be nighttime’s navy breath in your craters. If you were the sand I’d be the rolling waves submerging every golden grain of you. If you were a heart I’d be the encasing ribcage and the hot blood in your arteries. If you were allow, I’d be your lover.
Fade Away...
Whispering your last goodbye as you let go of my hand
A stabbing pain swept over me, a pain I could not stand
Unable to hold back the tears forming on the brim of my eyes
Could no longer look at you, so I turned my head to the skies
Praying for the rain to fall, and wash away these unwanted tears
Waiting for the rain to come, and sweep me away from here
So I watched silently as your footsteps got smaller and smaller
And I watched hopelessly as your shadow grew taller and taller
As I clung on to your shadow in an attempt to hold you back
I am sadly only reminded of the strengths I had once lacked
I wanted to tell you to stay because I still need you by my side
But once again my true feelings are hindered by my foolish pride
So unwillingly I watched your silhouette slowly fade away
And reluctantly I let my heart die and gradually decay
But at last, reality sets in, and I wipe away these useless tears
Finally realizing I can't sit here drowning in self pity as you disappear
So I gathered my last ounce of courage and I raced after you
Only to find that you are already gone and no longer within view
For My Dying Love...
Every time you touch me,
It leaves a burning mark.
And so my dying love,
We shall touch no more.
I have to let it go,
All the promises I will never fulfill.
The lie that I decided to believe will evaporate,
And I will breathe the fresh air of truth.
You will be a widow to my love,
Unchained from the aching commitments.
You will not feast on my lies anymore,
Stepping proudly out, into the light.
We should have loved till eternity,
But time caught up with us.
Forever is now,
And now is over.
I now stand tall,
Looking down on a poor soul.
Locked in what used to be heaven,
Looking at what used to be me.
Now, kiss me goodbye,
And accept these withered flowers.
The flowers and this song are for you,
My dying love.
Forget You...
It will be easy to forget you...
I just can't look to the sky
or even remember the sea...
I'll just have to stop dreaming
and learn how to be alone...
I know I'll forget you..
I just can't remember your smile..
your beautiful eyes,
your sweet mouth...
I can do it,
I know I can...
I just can't look to anything,
I just can't remember,
I just can't live...
or love...
I'll forget how important you are on my life...
I'll just have to forget myself...
Neurotic Indisposition...
Breaking lights of darkness in the distance,
Flickering apologetic words,
Subconsciously passive, last resistance
I just want to atomize, shatter out of consistence
Flying into heavens like a flock of birds.
Counting down nanoseconds of my toll.
Tracing down the lines of existence
And these words of wisdom overdue for all
It is far too late for heavenly assistance,
When my sins accounted for the ending goal
Body’s rusting in the rain,
I am trying to forget and be forgotten.
Something clawing from the inside at my brain,
Something ghastly, dark and rotten.
Hear me and thus accept my flesh
Take my eyes so I can see again
Maybe then I can no longer be forsaken
Maybe then I can awaken,
Start my life anew, afresh...
Fallen Angel II
Fallen Angel
Crawling in my forlorn appearance
I hide my soul behind these tattered wings
Tattered and broken as they are
Plucked of light, stained in tears and blood.
In quiet despair upon the cold earth
Smeared in dirt I crouch upon my weary knees
And clutched timidly between my fingers
Rests one last jewel of Hope.
A single unblemished plume plucked
From the silver light of dawn
A feathered ray of light from beyond
To illuminate the void that has me bound.
This precious barb of silk
Once lost as I was and forgotten
Blazes now to immerse me in radiant bliss
To wash away the pain, draw me from the abyss.
So now I fade away…
My tender flesh removed
My shattered wings released
My inner light unsheathed… escapes....
"An angel who turned from the light now embraces it in death"
Saturday, November 22, 2008
My Fallen Angel..
Sad Angel
Angel.....
I saw you ,spreaded wings in the moons illuminating glow
flying through the midnight sky
darkened murky clouds shielded your descending figure
touching earths soil, you become a fallen angel
with folded wings you tried to become mortal just like me
holding me to your chest ,a fervent wish to make me just yours
and to never touch a star again
to never soar the open sky again
but is what it will cost to love me
in the shadow of your life..
it is where you choose to remain
but one day you returned to your place..
as you return to
your throne upon
the heavens
and for each tear that
flows from you cheeks
so shall a shooting
star fall for all to
see...
"Can End of this Mortal life take you apart from me,I live your soul"
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Sweet Nostalgia
There are things that are better left unexplained. Love. Pain. Betrayal. Heartbreak. The worst and most painful of experiences are oftentimes the hardest to explain. It is there right in front of you and yet you cannot seem to grasp it. Simply because it is difficult to even try to face it. And anything difficult discourages us. It is but human nature. And so we begin to drown ourselves in a sea of self-pity, loneliness and desolation, not knowing when it’s going to end or how. But it will end.
They say pain is inevitable, all of us will go through painful experiences in our lives, but misery, misery is optional. You make a reality check and you tell yourself you cannot stay miserable forever. Because somewhere in between, there is hope. And everywhere around you, there is life. You know that there will always be tomorrow, literally and figuratively, and the thought of it keeps you going, knowing that no matter how difficult life is today, there is hope that tomorrow just might be better.
Tomorrow is indeed very powerful, because it overcomes yesterday. Therefore it gives our lives more hope and meaning. They say the brightest future will always be based on forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. We have to let go, because bitterness often puts away our strengths and weakens the littlest hope, making our lives more miserable than ever.
I used to have a sad story to tell… and along with it were questions I desperately searched for answers. It’s about love, pain, betrayal and heartbreak. I could torture myself for the rest of my life and still never fully understand. But you see…some things are better left unexplained
Let you Go....
Always through a haze I peered,I searched but never found you,
Though once or twice I thought I felt,But the wind took that away.
I won’t look again for fear of drowning,My heart would not stand the cruel
Currents and fight is all but gone.Somehow watching I think you knew,
Somewhere you have that part of me,Hidden and kept safe,
The other I have to let go of now,And lose without a trace,
But fragments still remain,Entwined and forever here,
To keep me from impossible hope,When tempestuous are my thoughts
And my heart drives me to the comfort Of insanity.
So from within my fragile shell,I still have you, my precious thing,
I will treasure and remember always,Pleasured memories when they sing.
I am loath to let you go just yet,and break my heart along with
my existence, which I want to cherish and savour the moments born here
and into infinity if need be and for longer yet, but I have to and I will, so that I may once again smile, that day is coming
soon, I promise myself, but I still
have you in here… meanwhile and until. i miss you but i bleed for your happyness.i live in hell for you to live in heaven...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
This One is for You.. Jaan
Storm of Demise
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beautiful sunsets,
And mystical moon rises,
Over a maiden without pain,
Over a maiden without shame.
She lived in a land with no equal,
And God made to her no sequel.
But deception lurked like a dagger,
Lodged within goodness, making it stagger.
Remorseless darkness begins to fall.
Fear awakens, and starts to call.
A storm besieges the enchanting land,
Thunder, Lightning, Hail like sand.
And caught among its furious waves,
A single maiden upon it angrily lays.
A storm of depression, self pity and guilt,
As retched as dirt, as fine as silt.
Between her and the storm, I firmly stand.
Absorbing the blows, dealt by its hand.
And after the wake of the raging storm,
Beside her I stay to keep her warm.
Then away I dash before HE arrives.
My anger flares, and my insides writhe.
My goddess, my angel, my rarest of flowers,
Lured back to him by some unknown power.
He promises empty, lecherous vows.
He anointing his loyalty, ever so foul.
But I see through his rotten lies,
To him, who created the storm of demise.
Before long, there is a change in the weather.
I watch, again, as the storm clouds gather.
Beseeched to watch till that fateful hour,
For over him... I have no power.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Sleep next to Me....
Whisper of the wind
You screamed through the peace
A release, as you tugged
From the depths of my lungs
Tickle on the grass
You stomped through the blades
A break, as you trudged
From the limbs that only gave
Mirage on the horizon
You solidified the vision
An incision, breaking the mold
From the things I never knew
And the wind howls
Blowing against the cracked blades
The mirage seems hollow
Without your strength to make it stay
My backbone hangs
Half limp without your embrace
My voice breaks cracked
Without your searing taste
"Fading everything to black and blue, you look a lot like you; Shatter in the blink of an eye. You keep sailing right on through, every time you say you're learning; You just look a lot like me, pale under the blistering sky. White and red, black and blue. You've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed,fall asleep next to me, wait for everyone to go away and in a dimly lit room where you've got nothing to hide say your goodbyes. Tell yourself we'll read a note that says I'm sorry everyone I'm tired of feeling nothing, goodbye. Wash your face, dry your eyes cause you've been waiting a long time, you've been waiting a long long time to fall down on your knees, cut your hands, cut yourself until you bleed; but fall asleep next to me, have a dream I'm falling down on my face, scrape my knees, scrape my hands until they bleed, cause you're fast asleep next to me ."
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Moonlight
The moonlit highway stands alone,Drowning under the weight of the rain.The light-beams trickle and fade away.And in the darkness, their hands collide.Sensually they slip into a rhythm Of stolen moments and fleeting dreams,their bodies unwind, sigh and shudder.As one - in time the rhythm subsides,And sweat pollutes the Heaven's tears.Like oil to water, pleasure to sorrow.But their bodies tread along the mixture.Trembling, trapped between sin and bliss.All too soon reality beckons And hands are yanked and torn.In the dead of the night come forced goodbyes.As the moonlit highway again, stands alone
Monday, April 28, 2008
NJ---necronomical sufferings...
The leaves have fallen and the time has passed ,darkness now crept silently towards me
Pushing and rushing the light to go ,the memories of you and me, they went with the sun too
Nightmares erupted fiercely in my sleep exploding with a mess of tears and screams
The soft ache has now flourished into the unbearable pain like that of piercing knives
Waking to this cruel reality of loneliness ,the darkness before my eyes refused to leave
Blinded against the memories you have left, i couldn’t even reach out for your ghost
With these phantom images of what we used to be ,I’ve descended deeper into my tunnel of isolation .Without you, my heart drops further and further to where the sense of life evaporates faster and faster .And what’s left will be that dried bloodiness mess of me
Monday, April 21, 2008
Dont wanna loose you..
Carnations, they fell on the grave,half-frozen and broken, dying along...So sad, that I'm glad, they are picked by the wind,in whirls and twirls, in dance of the death.
But the wind is so cold...so cold and so strange.It scares me and buries me, together with you.In a silent desire, in ashes of fire,scattered by the wind ,you aregone, I'm gone too.
The wind and the bitter coldness of a stone,that's what make me moan...and cry, hewed inside.On a silent grave, on last stand of hope,bruised, torned and clawed, I can barely cope...
I am raped! By a cruelty and the sordid cold.and this is my soul, tossed and revealed, in the shame!Shivering, in the cloud of a frozen dust,clutching the bars of cage, without a way out.
That is my soul, tamed, parted in solitude!That is my heart, broken, with shreds on the ground.And even that I'm dead, wind brings me a sound,reminder on my sorrow, it still wake my mind.
I have lost you...lost you...And even carnations are gone.Wind played them away, into oblivion.Standing under the lead sky, silent and so alone, crying, I still sense their essence, merging into cold.i dont wanna loose you..
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Do you Recognise my blood...
a summer lost to raven skies and soon frosted morning.
I walk at burnt leaves, falling, roaming.
Like my own life, cold and scorning with each toss
and turn till the awning is broken on choppy seas
calling, churning.
In the dead of a night, hollow, lonely
emptiness steals, the last echoing laughter, and only
after I wrestle with covers, deflated, yawning
Like my own life, no texture, padding with each toss
and turn till the madding, aching day draws my body
to a dead sea.
I know you have forgotten me but do you recognise my blood?
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
solace.......
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Rain Drops..
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
mercy
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I Love You....
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Prayer
Ocean waves wash my soul ,
You....
colour
Friday, February 22, 2008
your eyes....
I see you're giving and forgiving.I see your love for me.
When I look at your eyes I stop myself from crying.
When I'm alone and think about your eyes I cry.
I can't stop thinking that one day I'll never see those eyes again.
That I'll never see the love or the sweetness Or the love that makes you who you are.
One day you'll be gone - gone from me.
Gone from this world.
No matter what happens, those eyes will one day close
And forever rest in peace.But you'll never be completely gone,
Because every time I close my eyes,There you will be....i will live with your soul...
Bless me..
wasting with its melting wax. My sick laughter as I dip my finger
tips into the blistering pool.. I'm actually amused at the burning
sting that takes over this nothingness. Reminding me that I still
can FEEL.
Deathwish peered into my eyes with conviction,you gave me petals of iron to draw patterns in crimson.your hand upon mine, we began to use them against my heart till it bleed
Deathwish you leaned over me for a kiss farewell.painting my charms with scriptures, Force the darkness unto me,pierce my soul apart and wish me life in hell.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
epitaph...
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The abstract you...my life.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
silence and solitude
Monday, February 11, 2008
crimson lies
black..
Sunday, February 10, 2008
porajoy
Firay jabey shob hara ekjon ajratey, alo adharir chuye , firay jabey juar table ey ekjon bibagi,
aj sob porajoy mene niye,fire jabe ekjon bebagi
"james"
What's worse? Feeling pain, or feeling numb? Feeling that someone betrayed you or someone has forgotten you? I pick the latter choice of the two.Nothing is worst than being left with nothing. Nothing is worst than being left with 'everything'. Where should we stand? It's hell both ways, but even "hell" has degrees.Crying in anguish is so much better than crying in void. Seems like the walls have grown fists and now they're choking.The memories are gone. I tried to remember, but they were blurred, and I stuttered a thousand times trying to bring them to life. 'Yes, you're not my muse anymore, but you're a part of me and I don’t want to lose that.' I think I might have an advice to give on how to be 'insensitive'.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Abbhorent Desolation..
There hangs a lonely photograph
There is no reason I'd never notice
A memory that could hold me back
There is a wound that's always bleeding
There is a road I'm always walking
And I know you'll never return to this place
Gone through days without talking
There is a comfort in silence
So used to losing all ambition
Struggling to maintain what's left
Once undone, there is only smoke
Burning in my eyes to blind
To cover up what really happened
Force the darkness unto me..Amen
Tears....
They say time passes quicker when you're happy. The laughter would carry it away, without brushing you with its breeze…and you simply would not notice. I suppose, if that's true, then time would be heavy and thick when you're sad.Yes, I agree… I don't know much about happiness –and that is because I tolerated being bleak- but I know that sadness is savored, not only felt…that is why some people would hang on to their heartrending memories. Another thing is … I don't think people can take pain for granted, but they seem to have a habit of doing just that with blissful moments. I felt time going slow once, now… even with the burdens I bear, time is going fast. What would that mean? …I'm just being the anomaly that I am? or that "my mask of sanity is about to slip".I don't know how things are moving too fast, but Death's Arrow runs faster than lightening...
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Better to have loved and lost
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Walk With Me
Walk with me, the path of life,to explore every bend of the road. Enjoy with me the beauty of life,along its wonderful way Find comfort with me, in each other's arms,when grief crosses our path.Find strength with me, in each other's strength,when despair lies in wait Laugh with me, a single true laugh,to enlighten another's distress.Cry with me, a single true tear,to understand true happiness Cherish with me, the wonders of life, as they need to be preserved.Rejoice with me, in the mysteries,of what is yet to be.Find peace with me, in each other's souls,when the world has gone insane. Find love with me, in each other's hearts,until this life has been fulfilled And when the path comes to an end. I hope we can say from within We've known the beauty of true love,our love came from within.AMEN
Existence
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Agonistic Spirit
Thinking of you acid rain falls or are those tears which burns fiery paths of hurt down myface and on my neck. where I can't swallow or breathe . canthis choking be my end? Yes but the pain has just begun as the heart thirsts for love but only soaks in anguish. which drains it of life tearing a jagged scar. a raw wound open and screeching , echoing through a tortured mind ,then time is the enemy.All that remainsis a skeleton of agonistic spirit ,singing a haunting melody -"I'll lOVE YOU TO THE BITTER END "
Just a Little Longer
Desolation,Wide open space,Between the trees and me,Emptiness and me,Confusion and decisions,Feelings hard to define,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.Coldness seeps Its way in,I am falling deeper,Into what I fear most,As I reach out,There is nothing there,As possible there was something once,Only to be gone,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.The sun drops,The last inch of light falls,The squirrels more likely to be huddled up,But not me,Something I never possessed.And I say to myself,Just a little longer.Then the sun has gone.Darkness spreads its wings over me.I see nothing so no one sees me,Feeling of bitterness only,And I say to myself,Just a little longer. An Owl peers down,With question in her eyes,She doesn't have a hope,In helping me,As she doesn't see my pain,Spreads her wings,Passes me by,And I say to myself,Just a little longer.The soft earth,Seems the only thing holding me up,Even then I could slip,And wondering takes me,To why and how I got here,Without even knowing it,Yet no one notices,As they didn't see before,So I say to myself,Just a little longer. Shimmering in the darkness,I see two moons,Reflecting off a stream of thoughts,Ongoing forever more,Along a rocky road,Slowly giving in to finding a way out,I take the plunge under the river,Then the wind carries a whisper,Gently on a breeze,'Just a little longer.'
Mistake
I must admit that I have often thoughtof leaving it all behind and letting everything go I was lost and alone, as I always am,So many people around me,Yet no one seems to care.They say they understand and love me very much,But just when I Trust to love, they forget and move on.I held the knife so close as tears, mixed with blood,Began to fall slowly.Like a foolish child I cried.Knowing that I could end it all nowmade my mind draw a blank.I put the knife away and tried to wipe the blood,that ran faster than I can describe.I knew suicide wasn't the answer I was looking for.I knew there was a reason for me being alone.So many bad things happening at once -They can make you forgetAbout the good qualities of life.Even though life is hard,and trouble an inevitable part of it.If you decide to leave it all behind,maybe you will,but I can guarantee that others ....Your Mistake will haunt
Confessions
Silence Only tears As I press the blade Against my pale skin Red The blood flows From the wounds Echoing my inner pain SatisfactionAs I feel the knife Slicing into me .I only deserve pain Anguish As I realize what I've done I feel accomplishment. As I gaze at the marks upon my skin.People are horrified Don't understand why Neither do I.